5 healthy ways to cut 5 pounds the week of your wedding

They say that pictures last a lifetime. In this day and age, nothing can be truer. And now, each year, Facebook will throw up a reminder of how you looked just a year ago. Reminding you of all sorts of things, like the time you dry humped a statue on a rivals campus one late night with friends. It’s true. Trust me.

Pictures are our key to the past. Typically unobstructed memories of what once was. None are more important than your wedding pics. Knowing that one could understand why you would want to look your best. — So. Here we are. A week before your wedding. And you NEED to lose 5 pounds. Let’s see if we can help with these five men’s wedding diet tips.

1. WORK OUT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

Get your ass up. It’s not just you waking up in the morning; it is your metabolism. So wake that metabolism up, and put it straight to work. Fire up the belly grill early so it can cook all day. Even better, studies show that working out before breakfast allows the body to burn fat as opposed to carbohydrate storage.

Need a morning workout plan? Check out Men’s Health and what they recommend.

2. CUT THE SALT.

Your Diet Coke has 0 calories, yes. BUT. It has sodium. And high sodium can lead to fluid retention. Cut the salt, and you can cut some pounds.

3. AVOID WHITE BREAD. AVOID PASTA.

My grandma makes this mac and cheese dish with crawfish. It has a light flour crust and should probably be illegal. It is not good for you at all. BUT. It is what they serve in heaven while you wait in line to meet God, so rest assured you will get a taste one day when health no longer matters. — Look. I do not want to get into some in-depth scientific lesson. I mean, we only have five days here. So, I will keep it simple. White bread and pasta, when not burnt off, can add pounds quick. Kill them from the diet.

4. SPLIT MEALS.

Split meals can work two ways. The first, split your meals up into correct portions based upon daily nutritional needs. Pretty simple. The second way is just to eat less. It is not rocket science. Have 3% more discipline than you normally have. Just think of it as leaving a little for the “homies who ain’t here.” It is what I do.

5. WATER.

You shower in it but refuse to put one drop in your mouth. Instead, you sip on Diet Cokes and tea when out for lunch. In the evening you spend 9 minutes looking over a beer menu for that perfect IPA to power down. Two things here. One, don’t be douche. Order a beer if you are going to order a beer. Two, drink some water. It not only, actually, hydrates you. BUT. It can give you energy and improve your skin.